U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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