Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
