GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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