The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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