my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
