i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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