this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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