apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
