just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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