a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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