This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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