I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
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is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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