3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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