I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
