Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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