i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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