I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
