Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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