I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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