we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
