seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
