Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
