It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
