the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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