It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
