went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
