Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
