id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
