And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
