Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
