This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
