i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
