I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
