just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
