Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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