why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
