I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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