He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
