How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need a beard to bite.
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