If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
