What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dick very happy bro
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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