Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
