doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
