these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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