just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
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he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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