you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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