oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
