Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
