I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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