I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
