so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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