I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
