somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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