I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
