So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Couch. On fire.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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