I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
