we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
