At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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