They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
