you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
