Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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