how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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